She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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