saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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