I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
and you fell through a lawn chair
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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