Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
