we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
