I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
