The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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