I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
