i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its not stalking. its research.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize