cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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