i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
