I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
