It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
