He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
