just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
