When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
