I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
