No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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