it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
