Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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