We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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