i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
