I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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