did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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