Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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