It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
