so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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