please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
