wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
