lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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