I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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