At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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