I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize