you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
