I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
