I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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