I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
In America we eat man semen.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
