Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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