Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
