The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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