I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
