Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize