He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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