nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
