Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
