one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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