In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
