masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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