I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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