Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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