The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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