Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
