its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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