i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
