Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
