Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
