My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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