SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I just sharted jello shots
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
