It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
