So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
