Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
