My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
