You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
