We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
