So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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