What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
