Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
