Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
