they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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