im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
