I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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