2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
