I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
