Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
3 2 1 whiskey
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
