that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
