all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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