i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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