So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
