One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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