Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
