Cold hands, warm shart.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize