I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
